a girl on a bench

maybe i got slipped away
in the person that i’m trying to be

now i am someone
riddled with anxieties

maybe i can’t handle change
but is this the way that it’s going to be?
i’m hoping therapy will cure me
take off this backpack
i’ve been lugging around
filled with microscopes
to see where i can be found
but in pursuit
i happened to lose
who i am

is this what happens when you get older?
time is passing by and by and
every day that comes and goes
i think about how i’m getting old
how much time i have left and
when i will be out of eggs
i didn’t plan my life on a timeline
but it feels like it’s crunch time
marriage, a kid, a house by 35?
fuck my life, i want to survive
i can’t even figure out who to be
or what career speaks to me
or where i want to live
settling seems beneath me –
settle – why does this word
feel so scary?

a quarter life crisis, filled with strife
a quarter life crisis, wasting my damn time
a quarter life crisis –
but even this is mine

so why must it be me
who makes it so difficult to navigate?

there is no remedy
for turning a page or
changing your destiny
there is no easy escape
this pain is growth and
this pain is me
i take this growth
as my own
i let it become
a part of my soul
it will stay forever
it has a home
it’s welcome here
to roam

i’m happy to say
i’m sailing around the bend
letting the breeze tickle my skin
rocking with the ebbs and flows as they go
holding onto the beauty of my soul
infusing and ensuing
painting my path with hibiscus
bouncing to and fro

that is the key – picking up the brush; it’s up to you, not me, or anyone else living free, to paint a path that speaks to the deep, trueness of your soul – remember, it’s your life to grow, remember, you’re in control.

-gabina